Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
