i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
