dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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