WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
