I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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