My hand turned me down
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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