thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
