i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
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Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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