Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
