You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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