I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
