Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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