I think I can smell my own vagina right now
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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