Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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