Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
