My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
