we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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