I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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