So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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