GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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