i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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