i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
