He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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