mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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