i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
