dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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