ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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