CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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