dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
