her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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