Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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