So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
