Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
