I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
