I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
