o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
