i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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