I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
