I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
