So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
