I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
