She is in my trunk
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
