My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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