What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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