Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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