the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
