I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
