cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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