I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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