Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
