theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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