i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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