sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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