In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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