do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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