thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
ttyl tear gas
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
