I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
