I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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