he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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