they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
