its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am midnight drunk by noon
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
