If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
