One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
