The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
