I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
