So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
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No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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