I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
