P.S. I can't hear my feet
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
