It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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